When I was younger (late teens-early 20s) my partner and I had rough sex a lot. It usually involved him choking me or slapping me, and at times forced anal sex was involved. I remember crying so much during and after, as well as feeling disgusting. We’ve had a long lasting relationship and he loved me and cared for me in every other way except for when we had sex, so I could only guess where it was coming from. Since then, things have been better, but he still suggests things he’s seen in porn. I usually laugh them off and it goes no further but then he makes me feel like I’m a boring prude for not wanting to at least try it. Recently he hung up on me on the phone after I shut down the idea of trying a scenario where I’m ‘trapped’ and he takes advantage of the situation to have sex with me. I tried to explain to him that it was just another way to take advantage of someone and that it was a really creepy idea, but he said it was ‘just a bit of fun’. I know he hasn’t just got these ideas out of thin air, especially since some are so out of the blue but when you see what’s popular in porn at the time, it makes a lot more sense as to where it came from. I can honestly say I would consider some of the things he’s tried with me to be sexual assault, and indeed the police was involved at one point. But I just don’t think it was out of nowhere.
