When I was in my 30s and seven months pregnant with our first baby I stumbled upon a porn site while looking for something else on my husband’s computer. The site was called Seventeen implying very young women/girls. My husband was my soul mate but had never mentioned this to me. I was devastated, partly due to the secrecy, partly because he was essentially using vulnerable girls. I told him and he said he was sorry and would tell me if he wanted to return to it but I could not get over it. I tried not to raise it with him again, but it stayed like a wedge in our relationship. Recently, 20 plus years later our second son brought his 17 year old girlfriend to meet us and it brought the porn use back to the front of my mind. I asked if he had used it since and he had. Told me which web site and I looked at it (YouPorn). It was women categorised as milf, teen, lesbian, ebony, big tits, like products in a shop. Women being humiliated all over this mainstream site. This whole massive issue has almost destroyed the lovely true partnership we began with. He is still my husband and loves me, I like being with him too, I like most of him but have lost much of my respect and trust for him. It is so sad for both of us. We are changed by this issue. I have had years of depression and anxiety which I am sure has not been helped by feeling I don’t entirely know this man who used to be my best friend but became someone I wasn’t sure I could trust and who seemed happy to access resources that may be abusing young women.

TRIGGER WARNING: “Please be mindful when deciding on whether to read these stories that they are emotionally impactful and may be triggering. Within people’s accounts, there is mention of rape, sexual assault, sexual exploitation, child sexual abuse, other forms of abuse and violence, self-harm and suicide. There are various helplines available for support.